Thursday, September 17

Happy Birthday, Critter!

Wasn't it just April, the leaves just beginning to appear, and the Critter not yet crawling? And now it is September, the days growing cooler, the nights falling earlier ... and the Critter one year old today!

At the beginning of August, I took on a bunch of work, which I managed poorly, and I found myself wishing away the miserable, too-hot month. I kept reminding myself, it will be over soon enough, and then the summer will be gone, and how has it gone so quickly, anyway? And before I know it, it will be Hallowe'en, and then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas and yet another year about to begin ...

I have a theory about why time seems to pass so quickly: it is because of my calendar, filled up with deadlines and plans. It was not always so. Every year my family received a Travelers Currier & Ives calendar from my Aunt Mary, who worked for Travelers. When I was very young, I would study the calendar and contemplate the mysterious words at the top of each column of numbers. Sun made sense to me, as did Mon, which I understood as moon. I decided that Tue meant two, but what did the number two have to do with the sun and the moon? And what was a Thurs? No wonder time and the seasons felt vast and spacious to me then — I had not yet learned to chop it up into hours, days, weeks, years....

Lucky Critter, unaware of any plans, or even that it is his birthday today!

Wednesday, September 9

I Am Becoming My Mother

A scene from last night ...

Beckett: What are you making for dinner tonight?

Me: Poison.

Commentary

What strikes me about this scene isn't as much the script, lifted word-for-word from my childhood but with me now speaking my mother's line, as much as the violent irritation I feel when asked what I am making for dinner. It is as though Beckett is checking whether or not whatever I have decided we will eat for dinner meets with his approval. He claims that the query is neutral, but. It is as though, and as though is enough to irritate me.